Dear Jennifer: I am a friendly, easy going, fun person to be with and until six years ago I had lots of friends and people I enjoyed spending time with. Then all of a sudden I started losing my friends and don’t have anyone I want to be with any more. I do have many people around me, but there is no one I trust enough to share closely with, although many people pour their hearts out to me. I am very lonely and want to have good friends who love, honor and respect me. But every time I open myself to others, the door gets slammed in my face or they take advantage of me. This is so much like what I experienced with my family, the back and forth and not being able to trust them. What can I do to invite new friendships into my life and have close friends again?
Jennifer’s Answer:
I know it’s lonely to be by yourself like that and as you shifted your energy you lost the friends that didn’t shift in the same way. That this has meant all of your close friendships that you valued says something about you and the role you play in their lives. As the healer or the one who holds the space for healing, you attracted people who could be helped by you. Now you still have people you can help but you’re beginning to realize that this situation is out of balance — you’re they’re for them, they are not there for you. That’s great and you are now ready to take the next step.
The next step involves several things, including self love, trust, and receiving. Self love so you can love yourself enough to attract loving people who have something to give you and you know that you deserve to receive the love and connection with them. Trust is part of self-love but it is also about releasing the past for you. You have learned, from your family, that you cannot trust the people who are ‘supposed’ to love you and if that’s true, then how can you trust people who love you because they want to and there is no obligation or commitment? If you can learn to trust that people will love you because they want to and you are willing to receive that love, you can find the new friendships you want.
And we need to talk about receiving because this issue isn’t only about you not having people around you who don’t love you, it’s about you not having anyone around you that you can receive love and friendship from, and who created that? When you set an intention to be surrounded by people who love, honor and respect you, that you can connect with on the deepest, most intimate levels, who will be wonderful friends and you also set an intention to receive that love, you will find the friends you want to find because you are willing to receive what they have to offer.
So set that intention now and create the wonderful friendships your heart longs for just remember you have to be willing to receive everything they have to give and until you can do that, you will attract people who have nothing to give because you are not in the space of being able to receive.
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